{"id":9031,"date":"2014-11-24T20:13:28","date_gmt":"2014-11-25T04:13:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.pnwumc.org\/news\/?p=9031"},"modified":"2014-11-24T20:13:54","modified_gmt":"2014-11-25T04:13:54","slug":"ministry-interns-discernment-requires-patience","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pnwumc.org\/news\/ministry-interns-discernment-requires-patience\/","title":{"rendered":"Ministry Interns: Discernment Requires Patience"},"content":{"rendered":"

In September, 3\u00a0young adults began 9 months of discernment and service<\/a> as ministry interns in different churches across the Greater Northwest Area. For their second\u00a0post, they each share a reflection on their experience centered on Psalm 119:145-149. You can first their first reflection here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

I call out at the top of my lungs; “God! Answer! I’ll do whatever you say.”
\nI called to you, “Save me so I can carry out all your instructions.”
\nI was up before the sunrise, crying for help, hoping for a word from you.
\nI stayed awake all night, prayerfully pondering your promise.
\nIn your love, listen to me; in your justice, God, keep me alive.<\/p>\n

Psalm 119:145-149 | The Message<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

By Rachael Phelps\u00a0| Ministry Intern serving at Audubon Park UMC in Spokane, WA<\/h4>\n

\u201cAre you called to ministry? Check box \u201cyes\u201d or \u201cno\u201d.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

I have now been working at Audubon Park United Methodist Church for two months. As I continue further down the road of discernment, I feel question looming over me. It is tempting to ask this of myself in these terms of black and white, cut and dry decision making.<\/p>\n

Discernment is hard work.<\/strong> It involves deep self-reflection, and honest conversations. It is not always pleasant, but it is a richly spiritual space to be in. With the busy lives we lead, it can be easy to begin simply going through the motions. Easy to avoid going deeper.<\/p>\n

\"Rachael<\/a>
Rachael Phelps<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Because of this, I feel like I have been given a tremendous gift. The opportunity to explore my call in a local church, with the purpose<\/i> of discerning, questioning, and learning. I think about my calling day and night. I wonder if I have made the right choices, and I wonder if I am really called to do this.<\/p>\n

Some days the \u201cyes\u201d box is large and inviting, and I want to check it with wholeheartedly.
\nOther days I panic. Those are the days that the \u201cno\u201d box screams my name.<\/p>\n

But the truth is, I just don\u2019t know.<\/i><\/p>\n

And in that uncertainty, I feel the need to cling to clear answers.<\/p>\n

If I am called to ministry, I want to know what I am supposed to do about it. And I want to know now.<\/i><\/p>\n

With this year progressing quickly, the reality that I will soon need to decide what I will do when June comes around. Because it always does.<\/p>\n

When I begin to consider these things, I find myself in need of a reminder that my call is my own. I think about other people\u2019s stories and plans, and think \u201cMaybe I\u2019ll do what they do\u201d or \u201cThat seminary worked for them, I\u2019ll just go there.\u201d<\/p>\n

I remind myself that this is the easy way out.<\/p>\n

I could make choices without ever really being honest with myself.<\/p>\n

But if I want to live a life that I believe in, the life that God has called me to, I owe it to both of us to continue to be truly present throughout this discernment process.<\/p>\n

When discussing discernment with my spiritual director, she put forth the point that life<\/i> is discernment. That was a hard truth to accept. I want answers, and I want them now. I have entered into this discernment process, with the parameters of September to June. I am coming to the realization that I may not have answers I\u2019m looking for come June, or maybe ever.<\/p>\n

Psalm 119 paints a picture of someone who is trying their best to be faithful. They are desperately crying out to God, and petitioning that they are doing all of the right things.<\/p>\n

These are the things that I am doing. I have been leading an adult Sunday school class. I have planned worship services, I have preached a sermon. I am fostering relationships with the congregation. I take all opportunities to experience new things. And because of all of this, I want to jump ahead and say, \u201cOkay God, I\u2019m doing it. I\u2019m ready for my answers now.\u201d
\nThe psalmist echoes my desperate plea for immediate answers, and serves as a reminder that though I may not get them, God is listening to my questions and my doubts. God is the one in control, and I am able to rest in that.<\/p>\n

I have been attempting to become more intentional in practicing patience. I am learning to trust in the process and savor each moment as it comes.<\/p>\n

At the close of each day, I have focused on praying through the Daily Examen. This is a practice that involves reflecting on the events of the day and paying attention to emotions, in order to become attuned to how God has been present. This has been a wonderful way to reflect on the experiences that I have each day, and savoring those moments as they come.<\/p>\n

Today I preached a sermon. I felt God in my joy behind the pulpit. I heard God in the conversations that followed, in people with tear-filled eyes telling me that the words I had spoken were exactly what they needed to hear. I saw God in supportive friends with words of affirmation. I feel loved. I feel spiritually fed. I feel content. These are things that can\u2019t be checked off in a box. The story that I am living is complex, and it is beautiful.<\/p>\n

And for today, that is enough.<\/p>\n

\n

Rachael Phelps is a 23 year-old graduate of Central Washington University<\/a>, where she studied Psychology and Religious Studies. She was born and raised in Seattle, Washington and has been a member of the United Methodist Church since 2006. She is passionate about the work of the church, as it seeks to further God\u2019s kingdom on earth. She loves singing, playing the guitar, Zumba, musicals, and drinking coffee.<\/i><\/p>\n

Photo Credit:<\/strong> Image by Abudawood Global<\/a>, via Flickr.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

By Amanda Nicol\u00a0| Ministry Intern serving at Gresham\u00a0UMC in Gresham,\u00a0OR<\/h4>\n

I estimate that I have read through the Book of Psalms<\/em> several times over, although I no longer keep track.\u00a0 What I love most about the psalms is their ability to speak to the range of basic human experience: death, despair, joy, gratitude, frustration, grief, loneliness and love.\u00a0 As a whole, the psalms comprise a very human piece of literature and are the one place in the Scriptures where I feel absolutely free to abandon context and history and read my personal experience into the words on the page.<\/p>\n

\"Amanda<\/a>
Amanda Nicol<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Now admittedly that practice does not constitute good exegesis, but I rarely purpose to exegete the psalms; rather, their ancient poetry is the place where I most frequently, apart from music, meet my God in the raw fullness of human emotion.\u00a0 I do not go to the psalms seeking answers to my questions, but instead go seeking the comfort of the divine presence in the shared experiences of humanity.<\/p>\n

This is all to say that when we three interns were discussing what we felt led to reflect on this month and Rachael suggested the theme of patience, putting forth Psalm 119:145-149, I read the psalmist\u2019s half-pleading, half-imperious words and thought, \u201cGood grief, I\u2019m pretty sure I uttered those very same words just last week.\u201d<\/p>\n

I used to believe very strongly that God held in reserve a preordained plan for my life.\u00a0 Certainly the psalmist seems to suggest so: \u201cYour eyes saw my embryo, and on your scroll every day was written that was being formed for me, before any of them had yet happened\u201d<\/em> (Psalm 139:16 CEB).\u00a0 And it is true that, in much of the popular literature you can pick up in a Christian bookstore or pull from the internet, God is depicted as The Puppeteer, directing every minute detail of creation.\u00a0 There is no need to worry then, their authors reason, because God already knows what we are going to do, and because He is a good God, He will work everything out for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28).<\/p>\n

I would be dishonest if I did not admit that on certain days, when I grow weary from the complicated weight of discernment, I wish for the simplicity of such a theological model.\u00a0 Those are the days when I pray, Lord, since you are clearly so much wiser than I, please just tell me what to do, and I will do it.<\/i><\/p>\n

For a long time I would beat myself up if, when I posed my righteous questions to heaven, all I received was silence.\u00a0 Clearly, I reasoned, I am doing something wrong, and if I can only figure out what that is, God will then answer and I can continue along this little journey called discernment and arrive where God intends me to be.\u00a0 When extra prayer and attentiveness yielded little, I began to harbor some resentment towards God for messing with what I desired to be a clear and efficient process.\u00a0 My patience grew very thin.\u00a0 I have been waiting long enough, Lord.\u00a0 Are you even listening to me?<\/i><\/p>\n

During our first meeting together, my spiritual director painted a lovely metaphor for me that I have reflected on frequently since.\u00a0 She described a room full of furniture.\u00a0 When you are a very small child, she said, your parents might instruct you not to stick your finger in a light socket, but when you enter the room, you naturally fixate on the light socket; it is the only thing you notice about the room.\u00a0 However, as you grow older and are given more freedom to explore, you gradually start to notice other things in the room: a chair you can sit in, a light you can turn on, a carpet you can lie down on.<\/p>\n

Perhaps for a time, like a parent with a young child, God holds our hand in our faith journey and offers us very concrete steps to take.\u00a0 But as we grow older and more mature in our faith, He gives us more freedom because He trusts us not to wander from the foundational principles we were raised on (1 Corinthians 3). \u00a0 Instead of just telling us what is and is not okay to do, God now begins to pose questions for us and invites us to answer.\u00a0 He offers us the incredible freedom of choice and then, smiling (at least, that\u2019s what I imagine He does), steps back and watches what we will make of it.<\/p>\n

So now I am coming to understand that all the times I perceived my question of \u201cGod, what do you want me to do?\u201d to be met with total silence, that silence was really God asking, \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u00a0 What do you<\/i> want to do?\u201d<\/p>\n

Initially, this new way of perceiving the will of God annoyed me and made me distinctly uncomfortable.\u00a0 It certainly made the process of discernment that much harder.\u00a0 But as I have moved out of the doorway and cautiously begun to explore the \u201croom\u201d God has invited me into, I have felt moved and awed by the idea of a God who loves me and trusts me enough to converse with me about my calling and my future.\u00a0 While I still struggle daily with impatience and wishing the process could be more straightforward, I am assured that, in the end, this slow and messy work of discernment will ultimately yield something beautiful and life-giving.<\/p>\n

\n

Amanda is a twenty-something Spokane, Washington native recently transplanted to the Portland, Oregon area.\u00a0 She graduated from the University of Puget Sound<\/a> in 2012, where she was actively involved in campus ministry.\u00a0 When she is not reading too many books or watching too much Netflix, she is learning how to let herself be surprised and loved by God as she explores what it means to be called as a Christian in the world today.\u00a0 She is currently serving as a Ministry Resident at Gresham United Methodist Church in Gresham, Oregon under the mentorship of Dr. Steve Lewis.<\/i><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

By Ryan Scott | Ministry Intern serving at Valley & Mountain<\/a> in Seattle, WA<\/h4>\n
\"Ryan<\/a>
Ryan Scott<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u201cPatience is a virtue.\u201d Is that all it is though? Can patience be more? For some patience is frustrating, liberating, a spiritual practice, an afterthought, an ideal, a goal, an unrealistic expectation. Patience goes beyond being as simple as a moral platitude. In a chaotic and busy world, as such we are dealing with, today patience is either hard to find or just a momentary thought. I don\u2019t think we give patience its due diligence.<\/p>\n

The word patience comes from the Latin root word\u00a0pati\u00a0<\/i>which means to suffer. This understanding sheds a whole new light on my understanding of patience. Am I really supposed to suffer? Was my mother telling me to suffer for dinner? Needless to say, the word has a different connotation today.<\/p>\n

In “The\u00a0Devil’s Dictionary<\/a>\u201d, a 1906 satirical \u201creference\u201d book written by Ambrose Bierce, patience is described as a \u201cminor form of despair disguised as a virtue.\u201d I believe this definition is much more fitting in our world. Being patient in Seattle traffic is, indeed, a minor form of despair if not torture. Why then are we constantly told to endure, to suffer minor despair? Why is this despair a virtue?<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t come looking to me for the answer because you won\u2019t find it. I have been constantly struggling to be patient in my discernment process. There were\u00a0times when I wanted God to just tell me the answer. I wanted to know what my future looked like. \u00a0After graduating high school I had a \u201cfuture story\u201d of what college degree I would get, what job I would have, and even what city I would work in. When God called me away from my future aspirations I felt a little lost. I didn’t know where I would end up, or what I would end up doing. There were most definitely moments of minor despair as I floated from job to job trying to find out what God wanted me to do.<\/p>\n

Eventually I came to an understanding with God. I realized I didn’t need to have control. I didn’t need to have a grip on my future story. Once I let that go I felt more open to the word of God. I think I became a better listener. When you give up your own manufactured preconceptions of you and realize that it\u2019s not really your life at all it changes you.<\/p>\n

This wisdom has been immensely critical in my recent work here in Seattle. Working in a church and community with so much going on and so many voices I have learned that it is critical to be flexible and just let things be. God does not intend for me to fight every battle head on. Sometimes a little patience goes a long ways.<\/p>\n

Patience is no longer a moment of despair disguised as a virtue to me. I now see patience as the settled reality that I am no longer in control.<\/p>\n

\n

Ryan is from Springfield, OR where he was a paraprofessional specializing in after school\/community programming and 9th grade academic support\/intervention with Springfield Public Schools and the Willamalane Park and Recreation District. Ryan was also the Youth Director for Trinity United Methodist Church in Eugene. Ryan\u2019s passion for faith and youth was sparked by serving in Boy Scouts of America as a camp chaplain and scoutmaster where he was constantly exposed to the issues youth care about. This led to further exploration of a call to vocational ministry in the UMC. Ryan now serves at Valley and Mountain Fellowship<\/a>, a spiritual community in the diverse South Seattle neighborhood of Hillman City as an apprentice minister.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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